Drowned Dreams
by okelay
Summary: Sydney's thoughts after "Almost Thirty Years"


Drowned Dreams  
  
He just... dissapeared  
  
His face pressed against the glass  
  
He was tellin me to go, to save myself  
  
I couldnt do it  
  
Couldnt leave him  
  
He's a drug, and im addict.  
  
So much that is imposible to picture a life without him  
  
I can't bear lose him too  
  
Not another one  
  
Another friend  
  
Another loved one  
  
I've tried to sleep, but i cant  
  
I see him everytime i close my eyes  
  
Him, on the other side of the door, tellin me, yellin me to go  
  
I didnt wanted to but they forced me  
  
And when i scaped, i had to keep my head cold.  
For him  
What use was i to him if was captive, o even worst, dead?  
  
I've had some pretty rough times in my live,  
  
But one of the worst was when i found his coat  
  
I thought i'll see him in a body bag in any minute  
  
But i didnt  
  
And i didnt find anything else of his stuff, either.  
  
I dont know whats worse  
  
Knowing that he's dead or no knowing where he is and what happened to  
him.  
  
I guess that if you have the body, at least you know were he is  
  
What happen to him  
  
Know i dont know anything  
  
I want to believe he's alive  
  
Maybe not well, but alive  
  
But where?  
  
He could be anywhere  
  
All i know is that i have to find him  
  
Because i know he'll do the same for me  
  
He has. He has helped me so many times  
  
That 's why i cant just sit and wait  
  
And because i couldnt bear a life without him  
  
Without my confident, my friend, the only one i can talk with the  
truth  
  
The only one who knows the real me  
  
I think... No  
  
I know  
  
I'm in love with him  
  
He makes me feel like i havent feel in a long time  
  
Since Danny  
  
He's sweet, makes me laugh, he cares about me , he respects me,  
he helps me, he knows me,  
  
he knows what it is to live like this...  
  
he's like an ideal man, a prince charming  
  
*My* prince charming  
  
Vaughn is the only person in the world i can be myself with  
  
It's one of the many things that makes him perfect  
  
Even though Dad knows the truth about me, the CIA, SD-6, etc  
  
it's not the same  
  
There's not the same trust  
  
There are things that we'll never be able to talk  
  
That's why Vaughn is so important.  
  
Althought we cant go out, cant even be seen in public, and all we  
have are small meetings and the warehouse,  
  
he manages to make them great, comfortable and honest.  
  
When i learnt the truth about my mother,i wanted to die  
  
I thought he'll never talk to me again  
  
But he didnt care  
  
He comfort me. Show me im not my mother  
  
Show me how he sees me  
  
And when he fought with his girlfriend... he sound so mad  
  
Well, not mad, dissapointed.  
  
On me for thinkin he was married.  
  
I denied my feelings for a long time  
  
But after halloween, i start wondering  
  
Before, i didnt it was posible to care about someone when you've known  
them so little  
  
I know that he cared for me since the firs time whe met  
  
Even with that bozo hair, he believed in me.  
  
I ve only known him for like a year, but i care so much, we've been  
trough so much,  
  
That i feel like i've known him my whole life  
  
I got into this world for Danny  
  
Here i met Vaughn  
  
But i he dies, i wont go on  
  
I couldnt  
  
Or more people i care would die  
  
Because of me.  
  
Will almosts dies, just tryin to help me  
  
I was so naive in taipei, i should've know  
  
Maybe this whole thing could have been prevented  
And instead of being here, thinkin of him  
  
I could be with him, talking about the next mission.  
  
I dont even have a picture of him  
  
Nothing  
  
i'd love a picture of him  
  
Or better, of both  
  
I could put it in that frame he gave me  
  
I regret never given him anything  
  
I regret a lot of things  
  
And the worst part is, i cant talk to anyone bout this  
  
It was with him i always talked  
  
The CIA told me to talk to the shrink  
  
But i wouldnt be the same  
  
There would be no trust.  
  
I miss him so much. His calls, his jokes, his smile...Him  
  
The phone rings  
  
is SD-6  
  
We have a debrief, a mission to paris to pick up something  
  
Everyday i hope to wake up and realizing is all dream.  
  
But i never wake up  
  
Its all real and here i am, on my way to help people i hate.  
  
Theres one question that haunts me, thought  
  
If i didnt work on the cia  
  
Would i know Vaughn? 


End file.
